How True

Topcat · 28th January 2008, 16:16

I am sure this isnt true but very accurate if it were

SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE

This is the message that apparently a Secondary School staff in the
Midlands voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering
machine.

This is the actual answering machine message for the school. It came
about because they implemented a policy requiring students and Parents
to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework.

The school and teachers are now being threatened with legal action by
some parents who want their children's failing marks changed to passing
marks - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the
term and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their various key
stages.

'Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your
school.

In order to assist you in connecting to the right member of staff,
please listen to all the options before making a selection:

* To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

* To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work - Press 2

* To complain about what we do - Press 3

* To swear at staff members - Press 4

* To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in
your Newsletter and several letters posted to you - Press 5

* If you want us to bring up your child - Press 6

* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

* To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8

* To complain about bus transport - Press 9

* To complain about school lunches - Press 0

LASTLY:

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable
and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and
that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang
up and have a really wonderful day!

If you want this in other languages, you must be in the wrong country.

FWH · 28th January 2008, 19:17

Lol!

HappyMan · 28th January 2008, 23:19

Oh it would be music to my ears if that was true!

Kremmen · 29th January 2008, 07:08

That could so easily be any school in the country these days.

ps:

Press 1 to report noisy suspension
Press 2 to complain about the i-shift
Press 3 to .......................

etc

robbo51 · 29th January 2008, 07:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by HappyMan

Oh it would be music to my ears if that was true!

Err......Are you sure????
What tune would you like?

HappyMan · 29th January 2008, 09:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by robbo51

Err......Are you sure????
What tune would you like?

er......dunno!.........whatever!

Charles_Harding · 29th January 2008, 11:24

Don't forget the stock phrase.

"Your call IS important to us"

......like heck it is!

"What is the difference between Harold Shipman and Tony Blair?
Shipman actually did something about NHS waiting lists!"

Pottsy · 29th January 2008, 12:18

The messages were "voted for", but never actually applied. Shame really...

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Pacific Palisades High School Answering Machine Message

Charles_Harding · 29th January 2008, 12:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kremmen

Press 1 to report noisy suspension
Press 2 to complain about the i-shift
Press 3 to .......................

etc

They would have to pick up the phone first to get that message across.

I suggest 'ringing no reply' would be the real outcome!

......I assume we are talking about the same thing!

"Lady H. does wonderful things with left-overs.
She throws them away!"

Charles_Harding · 29th January 2008, 14:28

My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

Hi. This is Charles: If you are the phone company, I’ve already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

"Hi. Now you say something."

"Hello. I am Charlie's answering machine. What are you?"

(From my Japanese friend in Toronto)He-lo! This is Sa-to. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave ‘sexy’ message, I call sooner!

"Hi! Charlie's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."

"Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."

"Hello, this is Charlie's microwave. His answering machine just eloped with his tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking his calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.'

"This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."

"Hi. I am probably home; I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."

"Hi, this is Charlie. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."

"If you are a burglar, then we're at home cleaning our weapons and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message."

"You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message."

"You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of *your* voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you."

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

FWH · 29th January 2008, 17:27

"I´m screening calls right now, if I haven´t answered, you are not important."

28th January 2008, 16:16	#1 (permalink)
Topcat Supporter Civinfo guru Join Date: 11th May 2006 Location: Middlesex Posts: 2,739 Thanks: 0 Thanked 9 Times in 9 Posts	How True I am sure this isnt true but very accurate if it were SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE This is the message that apparently a Secondary School staff in the Midlands voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This is the actual answering machine message for the school. It came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and Parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are now being threatened with legal action by some parents who want their children's failing marks changed to passing marks - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the term and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their various key stages. 'Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right member of staff, please listen to all the options before making a selection: * To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1 * To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work - Press 2 * To complain about what we do - Press 3 * To swear at staff members - Press 4 * To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your Newsletter and several letters posted to you - Press 5 * If you want us to bring up your child - Press 6 * If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7 * To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8 * To complain about bus transport - Press 9 * To complain about school lunches - Press 0 LASTLY: If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a really wonderful day! If you want this in other languages, you must be in the wrong country.

29th January 2008, 11:24	#7 (permalink)
Charles_Harding Civinfo guru Join Date: 14th August 2006 Location: S.E. London Posts: 2,820 Thanks: 37 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts	Don't forget the stock phrase. *"Your call IS important to us"* ......like heck it is! *"What is the difference between Harold Shipman and Tony Blair?* Shipman actually did something about NHS waiting lists!" Last edited by Charles_Harding; 29th January 2008 at 11:28.

29th January 2008, 14:28	#10 (permalink)
Charles_Harding Civinfo guru Join Date: 14th August 2006 Location: S.E. London Posts: 2,820 Thanks: 37 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts	......and some more messages *My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.* Hi. This is Charles: If you are the phone company, I’ve already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money. *"Hi. Now you say something."* *"Hello. I am Charlie's answering machine. What are you?"* *(From my Japanese friend in Toronto)He-lo! This is Sa-to. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave ‘sexy’ message, I call sooner!* *"Hi! Charlie's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."* "Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you." "Hello, this is Charlie's microwave. His answering machine just eloped with his tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking his calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.' "This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call." *"Hi. I am probably home; I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."* *"Hi, this is Charlie. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."* *"If you are a burglar, then we're at home cleaning our weapons and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message."* "You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message." "You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of your voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you." *Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.*

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This thread is about: How True, it's in Any non Civic chat here please! at the Honda Civic forum Civinfo; I am sure this isnt true but very accurate if it were SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE This is the message that apparently a Secondary School staff ...

28th January 2008, 19:17	#2 (permalink)
FWH Super Moderator Civinfo guru Join Date: 3rd June 2007 Location: Sweden Posts: 4,838 Thanks: 3 Thanked 26 Times in 23 Posts	Lol!

28th January 2008, 23:19	#3 (permalink)
HappyMan Super Moderator Rocketship door handle Join Date: 16th August 2007 Location: Poland Posts: 1,657 Thanks: 9 Thanked 27 Times in 27 Posts	Oh it would be music to my ears if that was true!

29th January 2008, 07:08	#4 (permalink)
Kremmen Krem de la Krem Civinfo guru Join Date: 7th January 2007 Location: West London Posts: 2,415 Thanks: 3 Thanked 8 Times in 8 Posts	That could so easily be any school in the country these days. ps: Press 1 to report noisy suspension Press 2 to complain about the i-shift Press 3 to ....................... etc

29th January 2008, 12:18	#8 (permalink)
Pottsy Administrator Civinfo guru Join Date: 10th April 2006 Location: Leics Posts: 4,772 Thanks: 7 Thanked 64 Times in 33 Posts	The messages were "voted for", but never actually applied. Shame really... Urban Legends Reference Pages: Pacific Palisades High School Answering Machine Message

29th January 2008, 17:27	#11 (permalink)
FWH Super Moderator Civinfo guru Join Date: 3rd June 2007 Location: Sweden Posts: 4,838 Thanks: 3 Thanked 26 Times in 23 Posts	"I´m screening calls right now, if I haven´t answered, you are not important."