What Men are Allegedly Like

[Nitehawk]

Men Are Like
..Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.

..Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

..Bike helmets.
They're good in emergencies but usually just look silly.

..Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.

..Copiers.
You need them in reproduction but that's about it.

..Lava lamps.
Fun to look at it but not all that bright.

..Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

..High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

..Curling irons.
They're always hot and always in your hair.

..Mini skirts.
If your not careful they'll creep up your legs.

..Handguns.
Keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it.

..Floor tiles.
Lay them right the first time and you can walk on them for a lifetime.

..Parking spots.
The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.

..Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are.

[allan40alt]

I'd like to say that's very true; but being a man I'll have to think about it!

[lobey dosser]

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish.................................49.
Adventurous.....................Slept with everyone.
Athletic...............................No breasts.
Average looking................Moooo.
Beautiful.............................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure...........On medication.
Feminist...............................Fat.
Free Spirit............................Junkie.
Friendship first.....................Former slut.
New-Age........................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned.....................No B.J.'s
Open-minded......................Desperate.
Outgoing..............................Loud and embarrassing.
Professional........................Bitch.
Voluptuous......... ................Very fat.
Large frame..........................Hugely fat.
Yes....................................No
No......................................Yes
Maybe.................................No
We need...............................I want
We need to talk......................You're in trouble
Sure, go ahead........................You better not
Do what you want..................You will pay for this later
I am not upset..............Of course, I am upset, you moron!
You're attentive tonight.....Is sex all you ever think about?


DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

I am hungry...........................I am hungry
I am sleepy............................I am sleepy
I am tired..............................I am tired
Nice dress..............................Nice cleavage!
I love you.............................Let's have sex now
I am bored..........................Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance?.........I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime?.......I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you to a movie?.....I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you to dinner?......I'd like to have sex with you.
Those shoes do not go with that outfit.............I'm gay

[Charles_Harding]

Originally Posted by Nitehawk

Men Are Like
.

'tis right.

Can't argue with that!

......is that what you wanted me to say Lady H.?

"Maria, go to the map and show me where America is.
Maria went to the map and pointed out correctly the USA.
Now class, who discovered America.
Maria!"