The International Council Of Men

[beepee]

THE INTERNATIONAL COUNCIL OF MAN LAWS

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5:Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose playing.

9: You may f@rt in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's
officially your girlfriend.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach .. and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13:Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

15: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.

22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex.. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.

25: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox 360 End of story.

26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next fatty!"

I hope this clears up any confusion,

The International Council of Man Laws

[Unknownsoldier]

Very true, all of them.

Tom

[rallakias]

"24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue."

Then I must assume I'm not a man?

[Unknownsoldier]

Nope, your just disobeying the rules........BTW yours isn't orange it's tangerine, they're a completely seperate speciaes

ATB,
Tom

[fennj]

The definition of guts made me howl with laughter.

[ghowarth]

Originally Posted by fennj

The definition of guts made me howl with laughter.

I prefer the definition of balls..........your next fatty! thats class!

[R-2]

Very useful list. Lots of ammunition there !

Btw i'm not a spy as i qualify on point no.15

[NEEMSTAR]

Originally Posted by beepee

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

My gf don't even WANT to drive mine
"That Vtec thing you do is scary" apparently

[Unknownsoldier]

Originally Posted by NEEMSTAR

My gf don't even WANT to drive mine
"That Vtec thing you do is scary" apparently

I won't let my GF near mine, if it's gonna get ragged on the roads, then I want to do it..... she'd not be able to handle Mary anyway

Atb,
Tom

[NEEMSTAR]

Originally Posted by Unknownsoldier

I won't let my GF near mine, if it's gonna get ragged on the roads, then I want to do it..... she'd not be able to handle Mary anyway

Atb,
Tom

agreed i don't think i would actually let her drive mine
but when i do say "wanna drive?" that is the response i get
the look on her face when "that Vtec thing happens" lol a picture

[R-2]

Originally Posted by NEEMSTAR

agreed i don't think i would actually let her drive mine

Why?

[NEEMSTAR]

Originally Posted by R-2

Why?

because it is a rule
na because firstly she is a very poor driver - her micra is covered in scratches - it was mint when she bought it (4 months ago - she has scraped her driveway wall 3 times in 4 months)
secondly like i said she is scared of it and will normally tell me not to Vtec when she is with me?

[R-2]

Ouch!

I just feel like i have make a stand for women drivers. Some of us do like performance cars and not just for the looks or pose value

[NEEMSTAR]

Originally Posted by R-2

Ouch!

I just feel like i have make a stand for women drivers. Some of us do like performance cars and not just for the looks or pose value

o don't worry , i'm not a woman driver hater

[Unknownsoldier]

My reason, she passed her test, almost a year ago and hasn't driven since!!!! I'm not letting my baby be a test car.....

I know what you mean Neemstar, my GF gets terrified when I edge above 40 on a narrow road, she says she feels like I'm going too fast, my response..... When your driving, you can do what you want, now I'm driving....works quite effectively (also point out I have 4 years experience on her, and I know what I'm doing). Much the same principal of "turn off that music", response "my car my rules"

Tom

[NEEMSTAR]

Originally Posted by Unknownsoldier

feels

feelings! meh

i would love to take her on a track day - she would not speak for days *bliss*

[Unknownsoldier]

Nah, I take her round NSL roads properly, that shuts her up

Tom

[R-2]

[NEEMSTAR]

Originally Posted by R-2

hello R-2

[R-2]