Computer Skills

Charles_Harding · 17th August 2007, 19:48

This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you skip any, you have to read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly all true!!!!

=================================

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A white one...

===============

Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No,wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
===============
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

===============

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and.
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

===============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

===============

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah...................thank you.

===============

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.

===============
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:! OK
Te ch support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work..

===============

Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?
== =============

Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
===============

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

===============

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my

computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

===============

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Custom er: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting

in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

===============

And last but not least...

Tech support:"Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P " to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

Charles H.

dondon · 21st August 2007, 13:48

Most of these can be completed with:

Tech Support - "Do you still have the box that your computer came in"?

Customer - "Yes - is it serious"?

TS - "I'm afraid so. Put the computer back in the box and take it back to the store you bought it from".

C - "And then what"?

TS - "Just tell them you are too f*&^%$* stupid to own a computer"!

dondon · 21st August 2007, 13:50

Another of my favourites:

User - "Is that Tech Support? My monitor has gone black".

Tech Support - "I know your desk - there is a power socket under there - have you kicked the plug out of the wall"?

U - "Just a minute, I will have to go and find a torch. There has been a power cut and it's dark under there".

17th August 2007, 19:48	#1 (permalink)
Charles_Harding Civinfo guru Join Date: 14th August 2006 Location: S.E. London Posts: 3,288 Thanks: 113 Thanked 27 Times in 26 Posts iTrader: (0)	Computer Skills This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you skip any, you have to read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly all true!!!! ================================= Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... =============== Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out. Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button? Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. Customer: No,wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry.... =============== Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left? =============== Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello... I can't print. Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and. Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates. =============== Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it... =============== Customer: I have problems printing in red... Tech support: Do you have a color printer? Customer: Aaaah...................thank you. =============== Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies. =============== Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer:! OK Te ch support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work.. =============== Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ? == ============= Customer: can't get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars. =============== Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer. =============== Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. =============== Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it? =============== A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Custom er: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine." =============== And last but not least... Tech support:"Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P " to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: I don't have a P. Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin. Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Colin. Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!! Charles H.

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This thread is about: Computer Skills, it's in Any non Civic chat here please! at the Honda Civic forum Civinfo; This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you skip any, you have to read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly ...

21st August 2007, 13:48	#2 (permalink)
dondon Wheelnut Join Date: 18th February 2007 Location: Hampshire Posts: 95 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts iTrader: (0)	Most of these can be completed with: Tech Support - "Do you still have the box that your computer came in"? Customer - "Yes - is it serious"? TS - "I'm afraid so. Put the computer back in the box and take it back to the store you bought it from". C - "And then what"? TS - "Just tell them you are too f&^%$ stupid to own a computer"!

21st August 2007, 13:50	#3 (permalink)
dondon Wheelnut Join Date: 18th February 2007 Location: Hampshire Posts: 95 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts iTrader: (0)	Another of my favourites: User - "Is that Tech Support? My monitor has gone black". Tech Support - "I know your desk - there is a power socket under there - have you kicked the plug out of the wall"? U - "Just a minute, I will have to go and find a torch. There has been a power cut and it's dark under there".