Unfashionable fat bloke in a tweed Jacket kills the Type R!!!!

[Biker1]

Honda Civic Type R

Yes, it’s a radical new concept ... the boneshaker


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Jeremy Clarkson

You might fondly imagine that the drive outside my house is full to overflowing with all the latest cars, their tanks brimmed with fuel and the insurance paid. And you’d be right.
This week it looks like the long-term car park at Heathrow out there. Under the pergola is an Audi R8 that I’d very much like to drive, but I can’t get it round my Lambo without driving over the herb garden. And I can’t move the Lambo because it’s blocked in by my Mercedes, which hasn’t been used for two months and now won’t start.
Round the back there’s a Golf GTI which arrived for no reason that I can fathom, a Vauxhall Corsa, a spare Volvo XC90, an Aston Martin Vantage – in white, so that won’t be going anywhere – and a perfectly hideous Mitsubishi people carrier of some kind.



But then the last Mitsubishi people carrier that came here turned out to be rather good so I’d like to take this new one for a spin, but I can’t because it’s blocked in by a Ford Ka that doesn’t seem to belong to anyone.
In fact the only car I’ve been able to use these past few days has been the new Honda Civic Type R, and if you’re a young man you’re probably salivating with envy at this point.
The old Civic Type R was the car of choice for those who listen to their stereos with the bass on 10 and the treble turned off altogether, people whose idea of facial hair is a faint earwig on their top lip.
Older people were surprised by its sudden popularity, but not me, simply because it is impossible to be surprised by anything the earwig faces do these days, from wearing their trousers in the manner of a Los Angeles inmate, to the Bacardi bruisers they buy for their girlfriends. Who say “like” after every other word.
My daughter, who’s a bona fide young person, has taken to wearing her school summer dress as though it’s some kind of bushel, with the waistline around her chest and a belt around her bottom. And anyone who chooses to do this is plainly going to make an unusual choice when it comes to saying which car’s cool and which car’s not.
The old Civic Type R won favour not because it was the best hot hatchback but precisely because everyone’s parents – me – were still harping on about the brilliance of the Golf GTI and how sad it was that Peugeot had gone off the boil.
But once the youth moved into Honda-land they found that, actually, the Civic had a number of things going for it. It was relatively cheap to insure – and thanks to a big Honda scene in Japan there were many performance and styling parts available over the internet.
There was something else, too. It was actually very good fun to drive. It wasn’t the fastest car in the world but for the money there was very little else that could put such a huge smile on your face. The way its little engine revved, and revved willingly, to 8,250 was always a rare treat.
Even today there are global websites for owners of this pocket rocket. Every night young men are rushing back from the call centres where they work to offer and discover tasty titbits about their beloved Hondas. “Kind of like, you know like” say the forums. Over and over again.
So that’s why your kids are going to be interested this morning in what the new Civic Type R is like. You should maybe read this out to them. They may even grunt, or if you’re really lucky, shrug.
Here goes then, and first of all it looks fantastic. When Honda first showed off the basic Civic a couple of years ago we were all stunned by the detailing. The triangular exhaust pipes, the door handles that appeared to have come from a 1950s fridge and of course the Space: 1999 dashboard.
But then they put their new car on the road and oh dear. To save £1.50 they’d all been fitted with the wheels from a baby buggy. So you had this huge, super high-tech body with its art deco detailing sitting on the foundations of a Silver Cross pram. And there’s nothing that says “Hey, I’m not a serious player” in the car world more than a set of inappropriately small wheels. See the old Vauxhall Nova for details.
The Type R gets round this because its wheels fill the arches properly. That simple thing, all on its own, transforms the Civic into a properly exciting-looking car. The sort of thing you’d buy for your son, and then keep.
Don’t, though. Because almost everything else about it is rubbish.
First of all there’s the driver’s seat, which is adjusted with a ratchet rather than a wheel. This means you can’t fine-tune the angle of the backrest. You either sit bolt upright, like you’re at the kitchen table, or you lounge, like Sylvia Kristel in those early Emmanuelle films.
Next there’s the rear spoiler. From the outside it looks great, arching across the rear window like that, but from the inside it means you cannot see the car behind. You may as well use the rear-view mirror as a handy place to stick Postit notes for all the good it does.
And now we move into the realms of what you get for the money. I’ll save you the bother of looking it up. It’s diddly squat. Not even sat nav, which is a nuisance when you’re on that big roundabout in Rugby and all the signposts are pointing to places you’ve never heard of. Leamington or Southam? How about neither.
Engine? Well what they’ve done is taken the 198bhp unit from the old Civic and popped it, pretty much unchanged, into the new one. That, of course, would be fine if the new one weighed the same as the old one, but it doesn’t. It weighs a whole lot more.
This then is like saying, “Hmmm. We need a new engine to power the Queen Mary. I know.
Let’s get one out of that jet ski over there.”
Yes, it is still a fine engine. I really do love the revviness of all those VTEC units. But the new Civic is bound to be slightly slower and slightly less economical than the old one. And where’s the progress in that Honda, with your Earth Car and your Power of Dreams ad campaign? The fact of the matter is that Ford, Renault, Vauxhall and Volkswagen can all sell you a hatchback with much more get up and go.
Cunningly, Honda has tried to mask this lack of oomph by fitting the new Type R with a suspension system that, plainly, is made out of bricks. Even my wife, who likes hard-riding cars and thinks the Subaru Impreza is “a bit soft”, was alarmed by the way the Honda leapt and crashed down the road.
Me? I think it’s a disgrace. I don’t care what it’s like on a track, or when it’s doing handbrake turns in a supermarket car park: on a normal road, on a normal day, the ride quality is completely unacceptable. Anyone whose body is held together with a skeleton is going to come home every night in several agonising pieces.
And on top of all this the car I drove could not find Radio 2. It just locked on to Radio 1, which completed my discomfort as surely as if I’d slammed my head in the door.
All things considered, then, I pretty much hated it. It is nowhere near as good as a Golf GTI because, to be honest, it’s nowhere near as good as walking. This, I feel sure, will guarantee its success among the earwig boys.

[Type S Bournemouth]

yeah this review has already been posted. Dont agree with it at all.

[Anthony]

Hey! I'm an unfashionable fat bloke who (sometimes) wears a tweed jacket and I haven't dissed the Type R at all

Anthony.

[richierich]

I notice you are not buying one though!

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by richierich

I notice you are not buying one though!

Damn! You sussed me out...

Anthony.

[Marc W]

I imagine his dodgy back started hurting during the drive and put him in a bad mood!

[moocowuk]

I'm glad he noticed just how crap the radio is!

[Marc W]

Mines been fine so far, I was expecting it to be awful, I guess this must be an area with good reception. Either that or they've improved it since.

[czechplastik]

Originally Posted by Marc W

Mines been fine so far, I was expecting it to be awful, I guess this must be an area with good reception. Either that or they've improved it since.

Quite possibly, I don't often use the radio, had a go yesterday....it's not great.

[sprinter12345]

Well if you are like clarky and do road tests on pagani's lambos,ferraris i suppose you would complain if you had a bowl of sawdust for breakfast intead of the good old fri up .....
But ask any CTR owner if they would swap there CTR for a £250k Car i think i would ...YES ,,,Too right i would then i would sell the NEW impracticle toy out on auction to the highest bidder for a fast sale ....Then buy a new CTR and run her on the money i deposited in a high interest account ....
LOL thats economical motoring for you !!!

[m4rky]

Clarkson mmm........I often wonder how much VW pay him as he's always trying to sell the GTI I think the blokes completely lost it personally

[sprinter12345]

Originally Posted by m4rky

Clarkson mmm........I often wonder how much VW pay him as he's always trying to sell the GTI I think the blokes completely lost it personally

Lol my last car was a polo sport tdi ran on fresh air and pulled like a bull after a red shirt but ....??!!
In no way is the vw as far as good a drive as the CTR lets face it ...
Germans know how to make a good solid rubust car yes i do agrea but as for grin factor ...And the inside sport factor and outside design a bit behind now ...Sorry fellow over the pond users ....The vw is a bloody good car but best move i ever made going back into the jap owner market again ...
Have a look at the design and inside sportyness of the VW a bit dated to say the least even Ford and Peugeot catching up on design ideas....
Look in a new mondeo "!!!!"
We aslo looked at the new polo gti petrol ...Nice solid build and average look but ...Not as stylish as the civic and to say the least ...Little miss said "nice looking car and i like the seats but thats it "
So clarky like you say must be having a back hander or maybe still in the gti era .....Of the early eighties in his boy racer days and still stuck in his ways ...

The only time you will account for anyone that they dont like the Ctr is "i cant get on with it"
Exactly ran bikes all my life and know how they work ...Basicly we have a vehicle that runs in 2 era's if you want the next one log down two stages of gearing ...
And carry on ...Most users like to dab at the peddle and we hey ...No obviously never grown up with bikes and power bands and no hearty feal when the power came in....Thats the vtec for you ..... And must say if this offends someone sorry but go buy an auto Sorry but Thats my thoughts ..

Lol i never had so much fun in the dagenam rust buckets and the old gti when i was younger but VW have slowly dropped off a bit ...And they nead to catch up ....Sorry VW users going back after not getting on with the ctr but come on ...You knew what the engine was like !!

All the best D

[Biker1]

I have only one question at this point.

How come this series of Topgear seems to be patched together from old clips and reviews?

Is it me thats noticed this only?

Boots and too big springs to mind.

Ahh well. Just entertainment after all.

[Marc W]

They had a lot of material left over from the series that was aired just after Richard's accident which was cut short, so it looks like they are using it all for this series instead.

[Koen]

Clarkson is a whimp. He prefers a Range Rover above an M5 or Merc AMG. Of all supersports cars, he bought a Ford GT40. Duh!
He takes the new CTR for a spin against the old one, to prove it's slower, and a few minutes later his theory is shattered by the Stigg who beats the old one by seconds! And at these speeds, that's more than a few meters.
I think there are few car critics who have the opportunities he has. And he blows them time after time. Obviously success has gone to his head. Hasn't anyone told him yet he's but the clown in this succesful circus?

K.