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  Topic Review (Newest First)
22nd April 2019 10:12
atom3624 Everton just beat Man Utd 4-0 ....

Oh, sorry, its not a joke!!

20th April 2019 19:56
Red Dwarf

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19th April 2019 17:01
atom3624 Psychologist says I'm fine, and men can't be that hairy down there!!

18th April 2019 20:10
deni.babe .
8th December 2018 06:25
Red Dwarf

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5th December 2018 16:24
RickHondaR I was at a party last night and the DJ played "Sit Down" so we all sat down!

He than played "Jump Around" so we all jumped around!

Then he put on "Come On Eileen"

I got thrown out!!
5th December 2018 16:21
RickHondaR It you could choose between an amazing Wife and a car what would you choose?

A) Petrol
b) Diesel
5th December 2018 13:24
Red Dwarf

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5th December 2018 13:24
Red Dwarf

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23rd October 2017 10:10
deni.babe A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, “Its dark in here.” | The man says, “Yes, it is.” | Boy ~ “I have a baseball.” | Man ~ “That’s nice.” | Boy ~ “Want to buy it?” | Man ~ “No, thanks.” | Boy ~ “My dad’s outside.” | Man ~ “OK, how much?” | Boy ~ “£250? | In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. | Boy ~ “Its dark in here.” | Man ~ “Yes, it is.”
Boy ~ “I have a baseball glove.” | The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?” | Boy ~ “£750? | Man ~ “Fine.” | A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.” | The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.” | The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?” | Boy ~ “£1,000?
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that…that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that crap again.”
3rd January 2017 18:22
shaunwistow Walking to my car,I went past the local Psychiatric Hospital yesterday,and,all the patients inside were shouting "13....13....13".
The yard fence was too high to see over,but when I saw a little gap in the planks I looked through it to see what was going on.
Some ******* poked me in the eye with a stick.
Then they all started shouting "14...,14....14..."
Enjoy !
12th October 2016 22:13
11th February 2016 12:04
Nitehawk Sheep Humour

Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air.

Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone."

George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore."

Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark . . . "
19th August 2015 20:42
Paul Brooksbank

Best Adult Joke of the Year

One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said...........

(This is priceless...)

"OK, Monica, you're free to go.
15th August 2015 17:15
deni.babe girl says to her mom , "mom i'm pregnant again it must be something in the air"

mom replies yes your f--cking legs..
31st March 2015 13:54
Basinga A man should find for himself;
-a woman who is caring
-a woman who is good at cooking
-a woman who likes to have fun
-a woman who keeps in good shape
-a woman who is good in bed

But most importantly, he should make sure these women never meet...
24th March 2015 16:28
antonowski A bloke bet his wife that he could make a bike out of spaghetti...

You should've seen her face when he rode pasta.
24th March 2015 14:00
pesss Not sure if posted but reminded me of:

24th March 2015 13:50
wardy2602 Found this today on Fb, just brill

Love this! This has got to be one of the greatest quotes of all time.
I thought this might make you smile.

...conversation overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai.

Iranian Air Defense Site: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'

Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'

Air Defense Site: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'

Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'

Air Defense Site: (.... total silence)

God bless our troops. There is something about a Marine that makes other
countries listen to reason. How ALL phones SHOULD be answered!
15th March 2015 21:25
darkflemish Can anybody help me, I lost my 710...

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